


Haunted/Haunting

by alexme7_7



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Ghost Connor, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-26 22:06:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9924053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexme7_7/pseuds/alexme7_7
Summary: A series of interactions between Evan and Connor's ghost.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> An AU where Evan can see ghosts

“Do you regret it?”

“Hmm?” Connor hummed distractedly from his place on Evan’s floor.

Evan shifted, placing his phone down beside him and hesitantly peering over the side of his bed.

“Do you regret… _it_?” He asked, not meeting Connor’s eyes, fidgeting with his comforter. 

Connor pulled himself into a sitting position, cross-legged and close to Evan’s face.

“You mean _killing myself_?”

Evan drew in a sharp breath and rolled over. Staring at the opposite wall intently, he scratched absently at his left arm.

“Never mind, forget I asked. It was a stupid question, it doesn’t matter, it’s none of my business anyways. I shouldn’t have-”

Connor materialized in front of Evan’s face, effectively cutting the boy off. For a moment, neither spoke. Connor stared at Evan, and Evan down at his comforter. 

“I don’t-” Connor began. Evan’s eyes flew up to meet Connor’s, “I mean…”

“Connor,” Evan whispered, “you don’t -”

“No, Evan. You asked. Not like it’ll make any difference, anyways,” His eyes were hard, focused on a place just above Evan’s head. “I want to say that I don’t,” Connor backed up, so he could lean against the wall.

“But…?” Evan prompted quietly.

Connor looked down at his hands in his lap, squeezed tightly together.  “I have… had… so much I wanted to do. Bands I wanted to see. Books I wanted to read. Places I wanted to travel to. Maybe school, maybe dating, maybe…” He took a breath, “But it just all seemed so fucking pointless at the time. Things weren’t going to get better any time soon.”

A moment of silence passed. The sound of Evan picking at a thread on his sheet, the hum of the heater, rustling of trees outside all faintly filled the room. Connor sighed.

“But I still regret it. I’m not going to get to do any of the stuff I wanted to,” Connor’s voice began to rise, “I was fucking desperate and stupid and I don’t want to fucking regret it but I do,”  His voice cracked, and he huffed, leaning into himself.

The room was quiet again, for a long while. Evan rolled off his bed and carefully placed himself beside Connor. Not close enough to touch him, if Connor were at all tangible, but close enough to sense the anger and sadness radiating from Connor’s spirit.

“There was a moment,” Connor continued quietly, “between taking the pills and when I blacked out…before I died… My life was pretty fucking shitty up until that point. But that… that was the worst moment of my life.”

Evan looked over to Connor, Connor stared back down at his hands, picking at nail polish that would never actually chip.

“That moment, it was probably only about ten minutes. But it went on for forever. Fuck,” Connor’s voice caught in his throat, “I almost called 911. But I couldn’t even do that. I just wanted to make the right decision for once in my life. I wanted so much to be making the right decision. But in that moment, I knew I made a mistake. My final mistake. And that was almost comforting. Because yeah, it was a big fucking mistake, but at least I wouldn’t make any more after that,” He chuckled, tears streaming down his face, “God. All I did was lie there and just think of all the things I wouldn’t be able to do. And I thought that at least I’d be dead after that. But guess fucking what? Here I am. _Fuck_.”

Evan sniffled from beside him. Connor chuckled again, his form wavering.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first meeting between Evan and Connor's spirit.

“They were so sad, his parents. His mom was just…I’ve never seen anyone so sad.”

“Well then, good thing you’re about to tell her the truth about your sex letter. I’m sure that will cheer her right up.”

Before Evan could respond, Jared went offline. He let out a long breath, switching tabs in his browser. His Twitter timeline was full of people mourning Connor Murphy. So was Facebook. His stomach churned. None of those people probably cared about Connor until today. Then again, he hadn’t cared until Connor stole the note from him three days ago. 

Something prodded at his senses. He tried to ignore it, like he had ever since he saw the Murphy’s this morning. He knew he couldn’t go on like this forever. It was too loud. Too strong. Too angry for him to shut out.

Sure enough, Evan looked up from his computer and knew he had lost the fight.

“You’re not actually going to have dinner with my fucking parents, right?”

Evan quickly diverted his eyes, reaching for his phone, trying to ignore the voice coming from the end of his bed.

“Fuck you, Hansen,” Connor’s form stood stock still, arms crossed, “You looked right at me in the principal’s office, I know you can see me, freak.”

For a moment, Evan was grateful his mom wasn’t home to ask questions. He knew she’d be able to sense Connor right away. Connor’s voice continued to rise as Evan tried in vain to ignore the angry spirit. 

“Not only are you my sister’s fucking stalker,” he yelled, moving around to stand beside Evan’s bed, “but you can also see dead people.”

Evan continued to scroll through his phone, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“You don’t get to ignore me,” Connor crouched down beside the boy on the bed. 

Evan tensed, trying to keep his breathing steady. Ignoring Connor wasn’t going to help anyone in this situation, he knew that. But he just never expected… of all the people… Connor Murphy? And of all the places he could be? He was in Evan’s room. 

He kept his eyes trained on his phone, but he couldn’t focus on the screen. He could hear Connor breathing next to him. Something Evan never understood; ghosts were dead, so they didn’t need to breath. So why did they? Maybe it was just out of habit? 

Before he could get lost in thought about the logistics of ghosts, a feeling startled him. Rage. Connor’s spirit’s emotions spiked. Before Evan could react, his phone went flying out of his hand and hit the wall next to his bed.  
“LOOK AT ME!” Connor stood up again, seething, looming over Evan. 

Without a second thought, Evan pushed himself off his bed, standing on the opposite side. For the first time, Evan could take in Connor’s form. 

The boy was wearing the same outfit he had been when Evan had seen him last. His eyes looked slightly sunken in, red rimmed. His whole form was faded, which was really the only indication that this Connor was in fact a ghost. Well that, and the flickering. It happened when spirits experienced high spikes in emotion. Connor was flickering like a bad picture on a TV screen. 

Evan took another step back, hitting the wall behind him. 

“Connor…” Evan tried, tugging at the hem of his hoodie. He shifted from foot to foot, bracing himself for the inevitable anger.

“Holy shit,” Connor breathed.

“Con- “

“What the fuck, Evan?” Connor interrupted, his voice cracking, “How the fuck can you see me?”

Evan met Connor’s eye for a moment, then immediately looked away. He pulled at the strings on his hoodie. 

“Uh…well…” 

Connor stood, arms crossed expectantly, his eyes large. Evan could feel the anger still boiling inside of the boy, but he also felt something unexpected. Fear. Which isn’t that uncommon for spirits, it had just never been something that Evan associated Connor with.

“Um, I don’t really know, if I’m being totally honest. I mean some people can just see spirits? Like my mom can see them, but my dad can’t. It apparently goes as far back as it can be traced on my mom’s side?”

Evan looked back at Connor, waiting for a reaction. Connor was silent and unmoving, so Evan continued,

“We don’t really know that much about it. Not many people talk about it, it’s not really taken seriously. We know people here and there, but only really talk to one other family that can do what we do. My friend Jared? His mother and two older sisters can see ghosts too. He was so angry about it when he was younger. I’ve been able to see them my whole life, I guess? I just sort of got used to it? It freaked my dad out though. But I don’t really think about it anymore. I mean, I can’t really control it. I can sort of ignore it, but only for a limited amount of time. I can’t like move stuff with my mind or bring people back to life or anything, I’m just kind of stuck with seeing dead people, so…”

Evan shrugged, looking down at his bed. The room was silent. He rubbed his palms on his jeans and tentatively looked up. 

Connor was no longer flickering. Evan could still sense anger and fear running off Connor, but it wasn’t as intense now. He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Connor stared towards him. More through him than at him. He looked… deflated. 

“What now?” Connor spoke in a toneless voice.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do now?” Connor threw his hands in the air, flickering slightly. Evan jolted as the emption rose without warning.

“Well, you’re dead…”

“No fucking shit, asshole,” Connor bit back.

“Connor, I’m sorry- “

“Shut the hell up,” Connor backed away from the bed, towards Evan’s door. His voice was rising again, and so was the emotion radiating from him, “You don’t get to say anything. You don’t get to fucking mourn me. You thought I was gone and now you just get to go to my house and mourn with my family? You don’t get to mourn me. My family sure as hell doesn’t get to mourn me!”

Evan stood, curled in on himself slightly, clutching his cast. He couldn’t look away from Connor. But he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to make this right. He didn’t expect to be dealing with making both the Murphy’s and Connor’s ghost happy. He just wanted to do something right, for once. Now he was screwing up even more.

“I-I’m sorry, Connor, I- “

“Fuck you,” The spirit spat, rushing out of Evan’s room.

Evan could feel tears pricking at his eyes. He breathed carefully and listened to the quiet sounds of the house around him. He looked back down. His phone lay half under his bed, right-side-up, miraculously un-cracked. He made no move to reach for it. Instead, he slowly lowered himself on to his bed, curled on his side, staring at the empty doorway Connor had just left through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it or have some much-welcomed feedback. Or come say hi on tumblr, @slaygoldponyboy.
> 
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you're interested in reading more about ghost Connor's angsty adventures, let me know.
> 
> This is based off of a post I made on tumblr.  
> "Evan is this weird ghost boy who sees spirits from time to time.  
> Heidi can see them too. It’s part of why Evan’s father left.  
> Jared’s mom and older sister can see them too, so he’s aware of it.  
> And so when Connor kills himself, Evan starts seeing his ghost. And his ghost is Not Pleased when Evan starts making shit up. He switches between furious and darkly amused for a lot of the time. And he just throws snarky comments at Evan all the time when he’s trying to Lie to the Murphy’s.  
> But eventually they sort of bond and shit."  
> Come hit me up over there, at slaygoldponyboy


End file.
